Lullaby³
Lauren. Welsh. 15. Full Time Youtube and Music enthusiast. Part Time Fanfiction Writer and Occasional Fangirl.
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troyeismylife: "I can't describe how much i loved your second jackella oneshot♥ please do another one!!"

Oh my Godness, thank you so much! I’m going to try and write another one after my exams! But it means a lot that you liked it!^-^

Make me choose between: Zoe, Louise or Tanya

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credit

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tyleroaklcy:

perfect human beings  dan howell
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Title: UnknownDon't
Artist: UnknownEd Sheeran
Album: UnknownMultiply
Played: 82916 times

don’t // ed sheeran

don’t fuck with my love
that heart is so cold
all over my arms
i don’t wanna know that name

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I haven’t put a selfie up for a while so here u go

Dan + cringe attacks

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jackhowards:

Make me choose: Jack Howard or Dean Dobbs (asked by )

"Pretending to be funny"

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Jackella Oneshot; Back To December

Hey guys! So about a month or two ago, I told Ren that I’d write her a Jackella oneshot to this Taylor Swift song. Since I’ve been so busy with school work, revision and just generally attempting to socialise more, I hadn’t got around to it until now. Hopefully, you’ll enjoy this songfic!

P.S This is a sort of sequel to my previous Jackella oneshot, ‘I can’t make you love me’ which you can read here.

AKA The one where they meet for coffee.

(Written from Zoe’s POV)

-

It was finally happening; I was seeing him again.

It had been months since the both of us had seen each other, let alone spoken face to face.

But after a hell of a lot of soul searching, I finally called him up to meet me. And to my surprise, he was more than happy to oblige.

It was midday in my local coffee shop in Brighton. He was already down here filming some things for a new Jacksgap video, so it wasn’t like I was asking him to travel far.

I just…I needed to apologise to him. I needed him to forgive me for what I did, and I needed some kind of closure. I just needed to see him properly for one last time.

My thoughts were cut of by his arrival. He saw me almost immediately, and hesitantly made his way to the seat opposite me, with a strained smile and a ruffled head of hair to match.

I smiled as I handed him a cup of coffee, and nervously began to begin our conversation.

… 

'I'm so glad you made time to see me.

How’s life? Tell me how’s your family?

I haven’t seen them in a while.’

'Life's…Life's a lot better. I'm travelling next week to Africa with Finn.”

"What’s the occasion."

He stirred at his coffee, furrowing his brows softly. “Just some volunteer work.”

I nodded my head. “And how is Finn?”

"Finn’s good. He’s engaged now."

"Wow, really?"

"Yeah." Jack chuckled to himself, yet his eyes remained blank, emotionless. "I wish I could say the same about myself."

'You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.’

I fell silent, playing with my hands awkwardly.

"You’re only 23 Jack. You’ve got plenty of time to get married."

"Coming from the one who’s engaged as well." He snapped back bitterly.

He looked up towards me, noticing that I’d sunk back into my chair. “Sorry.”

"No, it’s fine.You’re angry…and that’s okay."

'Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.’

I cleared my throat awkwardly, before resuming. “Anyway, you’re probably wondering why I wanted to see you today.”

He shook his head. “Not really. I’ve already got a pretty good idea about what you’re going to say.”

I frowned. “Really?”

He chuckled to himself, but his laughter sounded like a broken record. “Yeah, it’s obvious. You’re going to tell me how happy you’ve been and how I should move on.”

"Jack no, it’s not like that."

"Then what is it?"

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying, “I’m sorry for that night,”
And I go back to December all the time.’

He choked on his coffee, a twisted expression as he slammed the cup back down onto the table. “You’re sorry? That’s all you’ve got to say?”

"No." I whispered, my voice straining as I saw the anger erupting within him. "I think about you a lot Jack. Well…no. I think about how much I messed up with you a lot. I still remember it all so clearly. And believe me when I say it was never, ever my intention to hurt you in the way that I did."

He laughed coldly. “Because cheating on me was never going to hurt, was it?”

I curled up my hands into small fists, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

He stood up from his seat, running his hands softly through his hair.

"I can’t do this."

"Jack…"

"No. I thought I was ready. But seeing you, just being here with you…it’s too difficult."

'It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I’d realized what I had when you were mine.
I’d go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.’

I followed him out of the coffee shop and down the Brighton Pier, calling his name as he attempted to divert himself into a near by alleyway.

He finally turned back to face me as I wandered down the hidden street towards him.

"Please." I spluttered, attempting to catch my breath after being battered by the English winds. "Just please listen to me."

"What more is there to say Zoe?"

"There’s plenty, trust me. Just five minutes, okay? And then we never, ever have to see each other again."

'These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin’.
When your birthday passed and I didn’t call.’

"I’ve felt so guilty about things Jack. I messed up majorly. And I felt so bad when I did call you on your birthday or on Christmas or at just any old time. I still have your cards in my house."

He remained silent, but chose to sink down onto the ground. I took a place next to him, and continued to speak.

'And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized I loved you in the fall.’

"I have so many fond memories of the time we spent together. The YouNow shows, those stupid vlogs, building forts with you in our apartment, taking ridiculously long walks into the middle of nowhere. It was an adventure. I’ll never forget that little adventure we had together, okay?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but chose to close it again at the last second.

"And I was such a bitch to you in those last few months."

"I…I just don’t understand why." He mumbled to me, his eyes finally meeting my own.

I felt my heart snap when I looked towards him.

When I saw the innocence and the hurt all mixed into one, the ache couldn’t disappear.

Because suddenly, the only sensation I could feel within me, was regret.

'And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was “Goodbye”.’

"Things…things just fizzled out okay?"

"But why? Why did it fizzle out? Was it me? Was I messing stuff up?" I could hear the anger disappearing, and it had been replaced with a heavy-hearted tone.

"No. It wasn’t you, it was me."

"Oh please, don’t try and pull that cliched bullshit on me."

"It’s the truth though Jack. And honestly? I don’t have an answer to why I did what I did. I just did it. And I know that telling you that as a reason is nowhere near good enough but…but it’s all that I have."

I tried to place my hand on his cheek, but he flinched from my touch.

"Don’t. Please…just don’t."

"So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, “I’m sorry for that night.”
And I go back to December all the time.”

I pulled my hand away, placing it onto my lap as I pressed my lips together.

Don’t cry Zoe. Please, don’t you dare thing you have the nerve to cry in front of him after all you’ve put him through.

But as soon as I felt the rush of blood to my head and the blurring of my vision beginning, I knew there was no going back.

'It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I’d realized what I had when you were mine.
I’d go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.’

I stared straight ahead, shedding silent tears as my thoughts went into overdrive.

"I don’t know why you’re crying." Jack said hoarsely, failing to disguise the cracking in his voice.

"It’s because I’ve realised how much of a shit person I am. I thought today would just be like you said; me convincing you to move on and then I could just get on with my life with Alfie. But…it’s just not like that. It isn’t that easy."

I turned to face him slowly, noticing the change in his expression. “Why isn’t it that easy?”

I softened my expression as a tear slowly fell from my cheek.”Because…I think I’ll always have feelings for you.”

'I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry.’

He faced me in shock, not even attempting to wipe away his own tears. “But…but you left me for Alfie?”

"I know. But I miss you, okay? I miss everything, and I threw it all away and…"

I glanced at him properly, trying to stop myself from spilling all of these hopeless words out of my mouth, but I failed miserably.

"I will always love you. I was wrong to leave you. I was so wrong. I threw away the only good thing I ever had. I’m so so so sorry Jack. I’m just…I’m sorry."

'Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I’d love you right.’

Jack tried to speak, but no phrases were coming to mind.

"Say something, please."

He stared at me in disbelief, before rising from the ground.

"No. You can’t…you can’t just say all of these things and expect me to forgive you. That’s not how it works."

He tried to walk away, but I could see that his whole body was shaking as he moved forward.

I scrambled up from my place and stumbled behind him, grabbing a hold of his wrist.

"Don’t go."

'I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.’

He turned back to face me again, a fresh set of tears still glowing in his eyes.

"Don’t go?" He spluttered.

"Please."

He shook me away, his eyes locked onto mine. “Well, it was easy enough for you to just leave last time.”

'But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, “I’m sorry for that night.”
And I go back to December…’

"Jack, I…"

"No, you know what Zoe? This isn’t about what you want anymore. This is about me, and how much you’ve screwed me over, and now here you are. And you have the audacity to tell me that you still love me and you miss me and you just…you just expect me to forgive you?"

"No." I said thickly, the wind tangling my hair as I spoke. "It isn’t like that."

"Then what is it like Zoe, huh? What is it?"

And before I could even consider my actions, I found my lips on his.

'It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I’d realized what I had when you were mine.
I’d go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I’d go back to December, turn around and change my own mind.’

I had no idea what I was doing, but when I felt our lips meeting again, I felt like I was at home. It was familiar, it was like I had never left.

"Zoe. No." He told me as I unattached myself from him and began to kiss his neck.

I ignored him as I placed soft kisses back up to his jawline, watching as his eyes were wide open in shock and excitement. I blinked at him through my eyelashes.

"I’m so sorry Jack. I’ll never, ever forgive myself for what I’ve done."

He leant towards me, brushing his lips against my cheek. “I just…I can’t do this again. Not after what you put me through.”

I nodded, closing my eyes. “I know Jack. I know.”

'I go back to December all the time.
All the time.’

We pulled away from one another for one final time, and I knew what was coming next.

"Goodbye Zoe."

"Goodbye, Jackson."

He let his eyes snap shut, as if he was trying to blank out a bad memory, and turned on his heels.

As he made his way up the alley, I called after him.

"I’ll never forget."

He paused in his tracks, spinning back around to face me.

"I’ll…I’ll never forget you either."

And after a look that felt as if it had lingered for a moment too long, he finally walked away and I didn’t stop him.

When I  saw him disappear from sight completely, I finally broke down completely, becoming a hysterical mess in the side street.

Because it had finally hit me that I’d lost the only person that I’d ever truly loved, and I was the only person to blame.

With a disgruntled sigh, I pulled the engagement ring off my finger and threw it as far away as I possibly could in the opposite direction, and I pulled out my my mobile phone.

Through my tears, I managed to dial a familiar number.

"Hello?" A voice said over the line.

I swallowed thickly before I spoke.

"Alfie…we need to talk."

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